And so you made your great escape
From womb light to vaccination
You were the hit of the summer
And every year this day
We set pastries aflame and
Honor every wish that you utter
Remember how then came to now
You used to sleep so smugly
Soiling yourself at will and when you wake
Pull legs off your sisters and tell flies that they're dumb and ugly

You wish that you could tell yourself now
That it's more than just a practiced memory
Too old to say what you like
And too young to know what you mean

I guess we'll leave you in a home
Once you've reached your expiration
Sell off the ranch and the Hummer
And every year this day
The children choke patterned nooses and
Honor your belligerent sputter
The orderly's endowed and you tell her how
She can be best to your service
Soiling yourself at will and when we come
You flummox us for fun, you have a license to disturb us

You'll be allowed any thought you can mouth
Even when the pickings are lean, but now you're
Too young to say what you like
And too old to say what you mean

You wanna imbibe this sawdust life
With some cleaner kind of water
But your throat is drier than your casual attire
And the sands of Land's End's in your motor
You can't decide if you should turn or brake harder

This is your very special day
Please send me the check when
You've had your fill of the bourbon
I made you paper-mache
Take this commemorative plate and -
Why do you look so uncertain?
I hope you like all your consolation prizes
I quite admire this edition
Why for almost thirty years you've survived
You can't stand it, but you still do a mean fetal position

The post-hypnotic suggestion's cum traumatic
You think you took a bullet in the spleen
Too old to know what you like
And too young to know what it means